This prayer is taken from Lysa Terkeurst book "Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl". I have read this over and over again, but today it struck me in a deeper way. I have been struggling with words such as surrender, faith, control, worry, desire. As I read it I realized again how this needs to be my prayer daily as I seek His face.
Just for today I will live this way… just for today, I am making the choice to not settle, Lord. Just for today, I will not let the subtle influences of pride and thinking I know what is best for me over shadow my desire for more of You in my life. Today, I will believe with absolute certainty. Today, I will obey You with complete surrender. Today, I will seek You with complete abandon. For doing this is fulfilling the purpose for which I was created…not to bring myself glory by some great accomplishment, but to bring You glory by making You my greatest heart’s desire. O God, let me make that choice today. Even if it is just for a day – how I long for it to be more, but even if it is just for today, may it be completely so. For one day completely with You is truly, truly better than a thousand elsewhere. In Jesus’ name, Amen!!
I want to hear His voice calling my name, and like Samual did "speak Lord, for your servant is listening." (1 samual 3:10) HERE I AM LORD!!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Friday, November 19, 2010
Run to HIM
Last night Bryson had been mean to Kaden and so Brad had a discussion with Bryson about the consequences that went along with what he did. As the dialogue went along Bryson made a very strong statement that he was just going to lock his door and do what he wanted. Brad reminded him of a bigger consequence that could come from a decision like that. Bryson very quickly said sorry for his statement and then said "I just wish I was in Heaven, I could be playing with Jalyn" (Jalyn was a 10 year old friend who died in a car accident this past April)
As I thought about Bryson's statement I wondered what he was really thinking. Did he see Heaven as this safe place where there is no discipline and you can just play all the time? My hope is that Bryson knows that Heaven is a safe place. But I wondered how I can teach him and show him that we can feel safe here on earth too!! This really got my mind churning. Do I truly believe I am safe here on earth? There are so many struggles each day, so many hard decisions and some times I just want to get off this wild roller coaster ride. This verse came to my mind - John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” How I desire to cling to that verse. I can feel safe here on earth if I receive the peace of my Heavenly Father, trust HIM, run to HIM and rest in His arms. He has overcome so that I can live in a safe place here and now.
As I thought about Bryson's statement I wondered what he was really thinking. Did he see Heaven as this safe place where there is no discipline and you can just play all the time? My hope is that Bryson knows that Heaven is a safe place. But I wondered how I can teach him and show him that we can feel safe here on earth too!! This really got my mind churning. Do I truly believe I am safe here on earth? There are so many struggles each day, so many hard decisions and some times I just want to get off this wild roller coaster ride. This verse came to my mind - John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” How I desire to cling to that verse. I can feel safe here on earth if I receive the peace of my Heavenly Father, trust HIM, run to HIM and rest in His arms. He has overcome so that I can live in a safe place here and now.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
My Wilderness Walk
I had to delete this post because I was getting spam comments on it, so I am just reposting it.
I found this paper that I wrote back in April and thought I would share it!! It is humbling to read it after several months and realize how you are still struggling with the same areas. I know that life is a journey and my hope is that I can see growth in myself (even if it is slow) and know that I am moving in the right direction with my relationship with Jesus!!
While Brad and I were gone on vacation to the Dominican Republic in March, our youngest son, Kaden lost his glasses in the hay field behind our house while driving four wheeler. Why he even had them on with his helmet is questionable!! My mom and others had searched through the field with no avail before we came home, and I considered going out and looking when we first came back but just couldn’t get myself to go. Then on the Friday night shortly after our return as I was sitting at my computer on Facebook, I looked out the window and saw Brad, Ty and Kaden scouring the fields. I was prompted to go out!!
Did I find the glasses NO, but I had a spiritual experience. While on vacation I was reading a book called Pray Big. It talked about being specific about our prayers and that God cares for the little things that we do. The author gave the story about a gal who lost her room key to her motel while running and after going back over where she ran with no avail, someone asked her if she had prayed about it. She had responded with “no” she hadn’t even thought about it. So she paused and prayed and in a few minutes someone found them.
So as I ventured out, I had this story floating through my mind and I started praying for God to show me the glasses. I prayed and I prayed, I started crying and so many emotions started coming to my mind. If I pray harder then God will reveal it to me. If I just had more faith… and this started my conversation with God. Faith, believing, where did I stand with God? I believe that He can move mountains; I believe that He can heal. OR do I really??? Where is my faith? Is it conditional? How deep does my faith go? I battled with God. I felt Him tell me I just need to believe, I just need to trust. Trust, what is that? If you would ask me, do I trust God? I would tell you “yes”, but do I???? I caught myself telling God, if you help me find these glasses then I will totally serve you, but I caught myself, I can’t put God in a box, then I cried more, I just want to know God, I want to know what plans He has for me, what purpose He has. I cried out for guidance, telling Him that I believe He has a plan!! What is it Lord??
Shortly after I started, my 2 boys got side tracked by a dog chasing a rabbit and they ran off after the rabbit. I felt like God told me that is how I am in my Christian walk. Walking this road of faith is hard, slow and tedious work. It is sometimes not very rewarding, you can’t see what you are truly looking for and because of that we start running off and chasing “rabbits”, other things that look more exciting. Brad kept calling them back but they were too involved in the rabbit and the dog. I started crying harder, I didn’t want to run off and chase other things, I want to stay focused on God, but how many times I run off and chase other things, like food, laziness, shopping, human relationships.
I continued to walk and I continued to ask, “God can you show me these glasses?” He told me He could; He reminded me that He could have them show up anywhere because HE is God. So why didn’t HE? I wandered around the hayfield like the Israelites did. I wandered randomly around, and then I saw the sun setting. Follow the sun I thought, “Is that God talking?” I asked myself, so I followed the sun’s path, and asked “Jesus, you are God’s son, can you reveal to me the glasses?” I came to the end of the field and the sun set, no glasses. Now what God, am I suppose to find them?
Then I asked God for a monument, like the one that was built by the Jordan River. The Israelites built this after they crossed the river and God had parted the waters again to remind them of what God had done for them. I asked Him for my rock pile, Kaden’s glasses. So I could testify of how God worked in this search and revealed the glasses. NO glasses, NO monument. My toes were about frozen, I was emotionally exhausted from my conversation, do I give up? Does that mean I am giving up on God? No, I wasn’t giving up on Him.
So what did I learn on my wilderness walk? I’m really not sure, I’m struggling. I know I want to believe, I know I want to have a faith that can move mountains. But I struggle so much with doing versus resting. God teach me through this walk!! I want to follow You wherever you take me. I want to be surrendered and abandoned to your plan. Why did you have me take this walk through the field in search of Kaden’s glasses and I didn’t find them? I did feel you God; I know you walked with me!! But what do you want to show me?? I’m waiting to hear God!!! I wasn’t looking for glasses I was looking for my faith!!
I found this paper that I wrote back in April and thought I would share it!! It is humbling to read it after several months and realize how you are still struggling with the same areas. I know that life is a journey and my hope is that I can see growth in myself (even if it is slow) and know that I am moving in the right direction with my relationship with Jesus!!
While Brad and I were gone on vacation to the Dominican Republic in March, our youngest son, Kaden lost his glasses in the hay field behind our house while driving four wheeler. Why he even had them on with his helmet is questionable!! My mom and others had searched through the field with no avail before we came home, and I considered going out and looking when we first came back but just couldn’t get myself to go. Then on the Friday night shortly after our return as I was sitting at my computer on Facebook, I looked out the window and saw Brad, Ty and Kaden scouring the fields. I was prompted to go out!!
Did I find the glasses NO, but I had a spiritual experience. While on vacation I was reading a book called Pray Big. It talked about being specific about our prayers and that God cares for the little things that we do. The author gave the story about a gal who lost her room key to her motel while running and after going back over where she ran with no avail, someone asked her if she had prayed about it. She had responded with “no” she hadn’t even thought about it. So she paused and prayed and in a few minutes someone found them.
So as I ventured out, I had this story floating through my mind and I started praying for God to show me the glasses. I prayed and I prayed, I started crying and so many emotions started coming to my mind. If I pray harder then God will reveal it to me. If I just had more faith… and this started my conversation with God. Faith, believing, where did I stand with God? I believe that He can move mountains; I believe that He can heal. OR do I really??? Where is my faith? Is it conditional? How deep does my faith go? I battled with God. I felt Him tell me I just need to believe, I just need to trust. Trust, what is that? If you would ask me, do I trust God? I would tell you “yes”, but do I???? I caught myself telling God, if you help me find these glasses then I will totally serve you, but I caught myself, I can’t put God in a box, then I cried more, I just want to know God, I want to know what plans He has for me, what purpose He has. I cried out for guidance, telling Him that I believe He has a plan!! What is it Lord??
Shortly after I started, my 2 boys got side tracked by a dog chasing a rabbit and they ran off after the rabbit. I felt like God told me that is how I am in my Christian walk. Walking this road of faith is hard, slow and tedious work. It is sometimes not very rewarding, you can’t see what you are truly looking for and because of that we start running off and chasing “rabbits”, other things that look more exciting. Brad kept calling them back but they were too involved in the rabbit and the dog. I started crying harder, I didn’t want to run off and chase other things, I want to stay focused on God, but how many times I run off and chase other things, like food, laziness, shopping, human relationships.
I continued to walk and I continued to ask, “God can you show me these glasses?” He told me He could; He reminded me that He could have them show up anywhere because HE is God. So why didn’t HE? I wandered around the hayfield like the Israelites did. I wandered randomly around, and then I saw the sun setting. Follow the sun I thought, “Is that God talking?” I asked myself, so I followed the sun’s path, and asked “Jesus, you are God’s son, can you reveal to me the glasses?” I came to the end of the field and the sun set, no glasses. Now what God, am I suppose to find them?
Then I asked God for a monument, like the one that was built by the Jordan River. The Israelites built this after they crossed the river and God had parted the waters again to remind them of what God had done for them. I asked Him for my rock pile, Kaden’s glasses. So I could testify of how God worked in this search and revealed the glasses. NO glasses, NO monument. My toes were about frozen, I was emotionally exhausted from my conversation, do I give up? Does that mean I am giving up on God? No, I wasn’t giving up on Him.
So what did I learn on my wilderness walk? I’m really not sure, I’m struggling. I know I want to believe, I know I want to have a faith that can move mountains. But I struggle so much with doing versus resting. God teach me through this walk!! I want to follow You wherever you take me. I want to be surrendered and abandoned to your plan. Why did you have me take this walk through the field in search of Kaden’s glasses and I didn’t find them? I did feel you God; I know you walked with me!! But what do you want to show me?? I’m waiting to hear God!!! I wasn’t looking for glasses I was looking for my faith!!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Controlling Young/Middle Aged Woman
Paraphrase to Mark 10: 17 - 22
17 As I started my morning with devotions, I sat down at my desk, opened my Bible, and prayed “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good. 19 But to answer your question, you know the commandments: ‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. You must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother.’
20 “Teacher,” I replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.”
21 As He looked down from Heaven at me, I felt His genuine love for me. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” He told me. “Let go of all your control issues, your selfishness, your fears, your idol of food and let me lead your life, and you will have treasures in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
22 At this my face fell, and I closed my Bible and cried, for I have such a hard time letting go of control and my own desires.
In the past as I read or heard the story of the rich young man, I always thought of it as material possessions and those kinds of things. And yes, that might be what Jesus was speaking about in this parable. But as we know parables are teaching moments and today this passage had nothing to do with things and stuff, but all to do with my behaviors, attitudes, issues and what holding me back from living my life to the fullest. Jesus’ desire is for us to follow Him, to let Him lead, to love on us. As it says in verse 29 – 31 “Yes,” Jesus replied, “and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, 30 will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property—along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life. 31 But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.”
Jesus has plans to give us eternal life, to make us great, to reward us with so many blessings, they can’t be measured. That is what is on God’s heart. He is asking us one simple thing “come, follow me.” Give up all the strongholds of fear and failure and trust HIM, put all my faith in Him, as it says in Luke 17:6 “If you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘May you be uprooted and thrown into the sea,’ and it would obey you!
God is not asking that I have to have faith that is all mighty, He just wants my simple small mustard seed size faith, He just wants me to let go of control and self and rest in HIM, claim HIM and FOLLOW HIM and watch and see what marvelous things HE will do.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Promise of Restoration
It has been a busy, good & challenging summer. Many changes have taken place in the last few months in my life, some that I know are truly divine and others I continue to search as to their purposes and meanings. Amidst all these changes I have not taken the time to write, and how I have missed it. I have a deep yearning within me to express myself through words and sharing with others the encouragements I receive from my Heavenly Father. I have allowed busyness to crowd out things in my life that are so important. I confess my time with the Lord has fallen short too. So why am I shocked when I become frustrated, stressed, worried, controlling? I know that my life has to be ALL about God and the only way I can make it my ALL is to take time for my relationship with HIM. He is always there waiting when I come to HIM, but how He desires my full attention.
Lord, I confess I have been trying to do things on my own again. I am so sorry. Lord I need your Holy Spirit to lead and to guide, not my selfish feelings. Father, fill me with your wisdom and the peace that only YOU can give.
This morning I spent time in the Word catching up for the days I have missed from the daily reading plan. The reading plan has me in the book of Ezekiel. Man, have you read that book? It is really depressing. Since I have been really struggling, I am thinking to myself, how I am supposed to find peace and joy and hope in all of this. But God had it all figured out. Since I am reading from a chronological Bible He placed in my reading several passages from Jeremiah and this is what HE had for me today.
Jeremiah 32: 38-41 And I will give them one heart and one purpose: to worship me forever, for their own good and for the good of all their descendants. And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land.
As I sat outside, and I highlighted this passage and then read it over again, I put my name in this passage and the tears fell.
I will give Lisa one heart and one purpose, to worship me forever, for her own good and for the good of all her family. And I will make an everlasting covenant with Lisa; I will never stop doing good for her. I will put a desire in her heart to worship me, and she will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for Lisa and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant her in the place I have for her.
What a promise of restoration that I so needed. Yes, I have tried to do things my way, yes, I have let my feelings lead instead of my faith. I have felt like my dream is lost, but HE will restore what was lost and will replant me where HE wants me!!
Even though the book of Ezekiel is so depressing, it just doesn’t end with destruction and death. God offers hope. As I read also this morning, Jeremiah 33: 6-9 “Nevertheless, the time will come when I will heal Jerusalem’s wounds and give it prosperity and true peace. I will restore the fortunes of Judah and Israel and rebuild their towns. I will cleanse them of their sins against me and forgive all their sins of rebellion. Then this city will bring me joy, glory, and honor before all the nations of the earth! The people of the world will see all the good I do for my people, and they will tremble with awe at the peace and prosperity I provide for them.
Thank you God for your hope, peace and restoration.
My friend sent me this verse as an encouragement this morning and I will cling to it too!!
Psalm 21:11-13 Though my enemy plots evil against me and devises wicked schemes, he will not succeed if I am walking with You, O God. You will make him turn his back when you aim at him with drawn bow. Be exalted, O Lord, in your strength. I will sing and praise your might.
Lord, I confess I have been trying to do things on my own again. I am so sorry. Lord I need your Holy Spirit to lead and to guide, not my selfish feelings. Father, fill me with your wisdom and the peace that only YOU can give.
This morning I spent time in the Word catching up for the days I have missed from the daily reading plan. The reading plan has me in the book of Ezekiel. Man, have you read that book? It is really depressing. Since I have been really struggling, I am thinking to myself, how I am supposed to find peace and joy and hope in all of this. But God had it all figured out. Since I am reading from a chronological Bible He placed in my reading several passages from Jeremiah and this is what HE had for me today.
Jeremiah 32: 38-41 And I will give them one heart and one purpose: to worship me forever, for their own good and for the good of all their descendants. And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land.
As I sat outside, and I highlighted this passage and then read it over again, I put my name in this passage and the tears fell.
I will give Lisa one heart and one purpose, to worship me forever, for her own good and for the good of all her family. And I will make an everlasting covenant with Lisa; I will never stop doing good for her. I will put a desire in her heart to worship me, and she will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for Lisa and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant her in the place I have for her.
What a promise of restoration that I so needed. Yes, I have tried to do things my way, yes, I have let my feelings lead instead of my faith. I have felt like my dream is lost, but HE will restore what was lost and will replant me where HE wants me!!
Even though the book of Ezekiel is so depressing, it just doesn’t end with destruction and death. God offers hope. As I read also this morning, Jeremiah 33: 6-9 “Nevertheless, the time will come when I will heal Jerusalem’s wounds and give it prosperity and true peace. I will restore the fortunes of Judah and Israel and rebuild their towns. I will cleanse them of their sins against me and forgive all their sins of rebellion. Then this city will bring me joy, glory, and honor before all the nations of the earth! The people of the world will see all the good I do for my people, and they will tremble with awe at the peace and prosperity I provide for them.
Thank you God for your hope, peace and restoration.
My friend sent me this verse as an encouragement this morning and I will cling to it too!!
Psalm 21:11-13 Though my enemy plots evil against me and devises wicked schemes, he will not succeed if I am walking with You, O God. You will make him turn his back when you aim at him with drawn bow. Be exalted, O Lord, in your strength. I will sing and praise your might.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I don't want to be a loser
Last week there was an exciting football game being played in our front yard. All of my boys, the neighbor boys and several dads were participating in this fun Sunday afternoon game. I was inside working at my computer when I heard this loud scream and I thought for sure that someone was very hurt. I went running for the door to find Bryson coming into the garage, screaming and crying. He was mad. Brad followed him in and had Bryson go to our bedroom. Brad explained that Bryson was mad because his team had lost the game.
One area that Bryson struggles in sometimes is getting mad when things do not go his way and he can become loud, crying and somewhat violent at times. This was one of those times. Brad really debated on how to handle this situation and finally went into the bedroom to talk to Bryson. Brad explained that in sports, there is always a team that loses. He used the illustration of how Peyton Manning responded after he lost the Super Bowl. Brad continued talking about good sportsmanship and how no one likes to lose but it is how we handle ourselves that is important. Bryson stopped crying and said “but dad I don’t want to be a loser (and did the L loser sign on his forehead), I want to be a winner.” Brad said he had to contain his laugh, but it also hit hard.
It tugged at my mother heart string when Brad first told me this story. Did Bryson know he is different? Does he think he is a loser in life? The more I have thought about it the more I am sure it is a message we can all learn from. We all want to be winners, and the world’s standards of a winner are based on how smart we are, on our performance, how we look, how much money we have and the list goes on. Most times when we take a survey of ourselves by these standards we end up short and feel like a loser. But what is the truth, what is the truth of God’s Word? Psalm 139:13-16 states: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Also if we look at Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
What beautiful words; God created us, knitted us together, He made us wonderful, He has great plans for our future to prosper us and not to harm. Those are not words spoken to a loser, those are words spoken to a winner. We need to hang on to these words when we look at ourselves, not at the world’s standards. None of us want to be losers and none of us are, we are all winners in God’s eyes and that is the message we have to continually tell ourselves and our children. God loves us and with God on our team we will win every time!!!
One area that Bryson struggles in sometimes is getting mad when things do not go his way and he can become loud, crying and somewhat violent at times. This was one of those times. Brad really debated on how to handle this situation and finally went into the bedroom to talk to Bryson. Brad explained that in sports, there is always a team that loses. He used the illustration of how Peyton Manning responded after he lost the Super Bowl. Brad continued talking about good sportsmanship and how no one likes to lose but it is how we handle ourselves that is important. Bryson stopped crying and said “but dad I don’t want to be a loser (and did the L loser sign on his forehead), I want to be a winner.” Brad said he had to contain his laugh, but it also hit hard.
It tugged at my mother heart string when Brad first told me this story. Did Bryson know he is different? Does he think he is a loser in life? The more I have thought about it the more I am sure it is a message we can all learn from. We all want to be winners, and the world’s standards of a winner are based on how smart we are, on our performance, how we look, how much money we have and the list goes on. Most times when we take a survey of ourselves by these standards we end up short and feel like a loser. But what is the truth, what is the truth of God’s Word? Psalm 139:13-16 states: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Also if we look at Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
What beautiful words; God created us, knitted us together, He made us wonderful, He has great plans for our future to prosper us and not to harm. Those are not words spoken to a loser, those are words spoken to a winner. We need to hang on to these words when we look at ourselves, not at the world’s standards. None of us want to be losers and none of us are, we are all winners in God’s eyes and that is the message we have to continually tell ourselves and our children. God loves us and with God on our team we will win every time!!!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
It has been a long time....
Wow how fast a month can fly by. I continue to struggle with knowing what God has for me and what HE desires me to do with my life. I believe He has great plans but this desert walk in the wilderness as I wait on my Promise Land seems so long. I don't want to complain and I don't want to miss the blessings of the moment. This morning on the way to church I heard this song for the 1st time and it spoke to me. I truly want to find HIM again as if it was for the 1st time!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)