I don't want to be a loser

Last week there was an exciting football game being played in our front yard. All of my boys, the neighbor boys and several dads were participating in this fun Sunday afternoon game. I was inside working at my computer when I heard this loud scream and I thought for sure that someone was very hurt. I went running for the door to find Bryson coming into the garage, screaming and crying. He was mad. Brad followed him in and had Bryson go to our bedroom. Brad explained that Bryson was mad because his team had lost the game.

One area that Bryson struggles in sometimes is getting mad when things do not go his way and he can become loud, crying and somewhat violent at times. This was one of those times. Brad really debated on how to handle this situation and finally went into the bedroom to talk to Bryson. Brad explained that in sports, there is always a team that loses. He used the illustration of how Peyton Manning responded after he lost the Super Bowl. Brad continued talking about good sportsmanship and how no one likes to lose but it is how we handle ourselves that is important. Bryson stopped crying and said “but dad I don’t want to be a loser (and did the L loser sign on his forehead), I want to be a winner.” Brad said he had to contain his laugh, but it also hit hard.

It tugged at my mother heart string when Brad first told me this story. Did Bryson know he is different? Does he think he is a loser in life? The more I have thought about it the more I am sure it is a message we can all learn from. We all want to be winners, and the world’s standards of a winner are based on how smart we are, on our performance, how we look, how much money we have and the list goes on. Most times when we take a survey of ourselves by these standards we end up short and feel like a loser. But what is the truth, what is the truth of God’s Word? Psalm 139:13-16 states: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Also if we look at Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

What beautiful words; God created us, knitted us together, He made us wonderful, He has great plans for our future to prosper us and not to harm. Those are not words spoken to a loser, those are words spoken to a winner. We need to hang on to these words when we look at ourselves, not at the world’s standards. None of us want to be losers and none of us are, we are all winners in God’s eyes and that is the message we have to continually tell ourselves and our children. God loves us and with God on our team we will win every time!!!

It has been a long time....

Wow how fast a month can fly by. I continue to struggle with knowing what God has for me and what HE desires me to do with my life. I believe He has great plans but this desert walk in the wilderness as I wait on my Promise Land seems so long. I don't want to complain and I don't want to miss the blessings of the moment. This morning on the way to church I heard this song for the 1st time and it spoke to me. I truly want to find HIM again as if it was for the 1st time!!!

Be Careful What You Ask For!

Numbers 11: 18-20 “And say to the people, ‘Purify yourselves, for tomorrow you will have meat to eat. You were whining, and the LORD heard you when you cried, “Oh, for some meat! We were better off in Egypt!” Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will have to eat it. And it won’t be for just a day or two, or for five or ten or even twenty. You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the LORD, who is here among you, and you have whined to him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”

God, this burden is too heavy, you don’t understand. Why did you give me these hardships? How did you think that I could handle this? How am I to take care of all these responsibilities? Where am I supposed to get my help to do all this? I can’t DO it by myself!!! The load is far too heavy!! If this is what you intended my life to be, why am I even here??

Does any of that sound familiar to you? Have any of you every said these things to God? I confess, I have said these words too many times, I have whined and felt sorry for myself and grumbled and complained!!! God revealed through Numbers 11, that I am not alone. The words above are a very close translation from Moses words in Numbers 11:12-15. Moses was in charge of the people of Israel and they started complaining that they were sick and tired of Manna and wanted MEAT. They craved it and remembered all the “good” meat and spices that were free in Egypt. Moses was tired of this and didn’t know what to tell the Israelites and how to handle the situation, so he pleaded to God “Why are you treating me, your servant, so harshly? Have mercy on me! What did I do to deserve the burden of all these people?”

God responded to Moses by gathering 70 men who were recognized as elders and leaders in Israel and God put some of His spirit on them so that Moses would not have to carry it alone!! What a gracious and loving God. He heard Moses plea and He responded with others to help!!

So Moses got the help he was looking for, but God was not happy about the whining and complaining of the children of Israel. They wanted meat, so God gave them meat and as it says in Numbers 11:20 “You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it”! I almost want to laugh at them, but I have to restrain myself because it really hits so close to home.

How many times have I grumbled and complained about my circumstances and left God’s care and provision power out of the equation. Only to find out the thing I so wanted when it came did not provide what I thought it would. We look so often to our physical comforts and desires that we forget to look at the bigger picture, at the blessings that we have. We obsess with the “meat” and forget about the Red Sea experiences that have preceded us and how God provided!!! Wendy Pope, speaker and writer from Proverbs 31 wrote in her daily blog Experiencing the Real Meaning of Free, “Be Careful What You Say When You Wail-you might just die in your wilderness. Scary thought.”

God is here and He hears us, He will even bring people around us to help us carry the load!!! We are so not alone!! God is capable to carry the burden for us!! I believe God wants us to come to Him when we are empty and burdened and to surrender everything to Him!! We shouldn’t wait so long to ask for help!! God is our provider!!

Today, I ask you to consider two things; first what “meat” are you asking for today? Think about why you want this “meat” and what is the reason behind it? Is it a selfish “meat”? Have you forgotten the blessings that have been given to you and are only focused on the “meat”!! I challenge you to start thinking about the Manna that God has provided for us and not so much on the “meat" we do not have!!

Second, I give you permission to ask the Lord and your friends for help when the burden seems so heavy to carry. I am discovering this personally as I have started this journey of letting GOD and others help me!! It is such a humble experience!! In Numbers 12:3 it says “Now Moses was very humble.” The definition of humble is “not proud or arrogant; modest”. In Numbers 12: 6-8 the Lord is speaking to Aaron and Miriam He says “But not with my servant Moses. Of all my house, he is the one I trust. I speak to him face to face, clearly, and not in riddles!! He sees the Lord as he is.” What a challenge!! I want to be humble and I want to see the Lord as HE is!! He is all powerful, my provider, my help in trouble!! I CANNOT do it by myself, and God never intended for us to even try to journey through this life alone!! He died on the cross for us; He took our burdens upon the cross!! He has empowered people on earth with different gifting to provide in tangible ways here on earth!! God’s strength is always available!! Cling to HIM and He will provide all you need for today!!

Get Back UP

Toby Mac's new CD has really impacted me this week!! The songs "Hey Devil" and this one "Get Back UP" that is what my desire is to get back up again and shine!!

My 3rd Speech with Speechcraft

This speech was fun to give and I loved how it reminded myself of the priceless memories we made this past year!! God is an Awesome God!!

Priceless Memories

Many of you know the commercial on TV for MasterCard, where it shows or mentions events or objects with a dollar value placed on it. Then at the end of the commercial it has something that is priceless. Well I want to share with you about some of the priceless memories our family made on summer vacation last year. My facebook status on July 13 was this:
Days gone = 24; Miles driven = 6,289; pounds gained = ??XX)#(%(%; money spent = don't want to know; Memories made = PRICELESS

Our vacation started out without my husband Brad, because of the responsibilities at work he could not be gone for 24 days. My mother left with my 3 boys and I and we drove to Arborg, Manitoba to Grandpa and Grandma Plett’s house. What a blessing for my mother to accompany me on this 1100 mile drive. She was there for 5 days and then flew home. We spent the first 10 days partying with G&G, Aunts, Uncles, cousins and friends. Brad then flew into Winnipeg and then the second ½ of our vacation started. We headed WEST. Brad has 2 single sisters living in Red Deer, Alberta so we arrived there. We made many priceless memories but I want to just highlight a few from our time in the West.

First were our Geocaching adventures. Brad’s new found hobby of geocaching fast became a family favorite as we found 22 during our travels. 4 in Manitoba, 1 in Saskatchewan, 9 in Alberta, 3 B.C. 1 in Wyoming, 3 Montana and 1 in Utah – we drove 150 feet into Utah to get this cache just to say we were in Utah and could cross off this state for a find. The most memorable geocache adventure took place in Radium Hot Springs, B.C. we were there just for one night before we were heading back the U.S. and were going to have to say goodbye to the boy’s favorite aunties. Brad’s GPS showed a cache its name “slippery Slope” close to our motel. We arrived at a campground and the GPS took us on a hike to Sinclair falls. What made this memorable is the hike to see this amazing hidden falls, what a beautiful reward after climbing up muddy trails and down slippery slopes all with mosquitoes buzzing all around you. It also was memorable because Bryson hiked the entire way. Because of his disabilities he does not normally go on the rough terrain geocache hunts, but he did this one, it was hard but he did it!! And yes, finding the cache that was cool too.

A second highlight was being flexible and having fun. I am a perfectionist and slightly a control freak so I like to have things planned out and structured, but not on this trip and how much fun we had. On one of our day excursions from Red Deer to Drumheller to see the Royal Tyrrell Museum, Canada’s Dinosaur Museum we saw a sign beside the road that said World Famous Gopher Hole Museum 2 miles. We decided to see what this was all about!! It is located in Torrington, Alberta and what fun. The museum, a little white building not much bigger than this room, and a sweet little old lady greeted us. It consisted of a room with shadow box displays of real stuffed Gophers depicting different scenes of life from Torrington. Favorites were the camping box, fireman, hunting season, the Torrington Hockey arena, the Torrington bank, this box was showing a bank robbery in progress. We got many laughs during our stop and I would suggest if you are ever driving through the rolling hills of Alberta and are close to Torrington, it is worth the stop!!

A 3rd highlight was the mountains. Each time I have been privileged to see the Canadian Rockies I am in absolute awe at the awesomeness of God!! As you have been watching the Olympics these last several weeks, have you not been amazed at the scenic views. It is breathtaking and I always gravel with the thoughts of how you cannot believe in the power of our creator God and his handiwork.

When we arrived home we were exhausted and glad to be home. But my fun didn’t quite end. I am an avid scrapbooker and just recently have changed from traditional scrapbooking to digital so the next weekend I got to relive all the memories as I sorted through the over 1500 pictures that Brad and I took and made 2 scrapbooks from our trip. I have them here today and would love to show them to you and share more of the priceless memories we made on our summer vacation.

My 2nd speech with Speechcraft

Today I was able to finally give my 2nd speech at Speechcraft. Two weeks ago I was too emotional to present it and last week was canceled due to the weather, and even though today was emotional, I felt that one way to accept my role as a Special Needs mom was to share this speech that I wrote 3 weeks ago. I did not say this word for word but it works better for me to write it all out and then condense it down to notes. I thought I would share it with you!!

No Child Left Behind

In today’s society, there is extreme value placed on education and learning. Millions of dollars are spend each year and many programs are in place, all with the goal of “NO Child left behind”. Parents drive their children to learn and succeed, parents are encouraged to start College funds for their children with they are yet babies. This is all fine and well, but what I want you to think about today is what happens when your child doesn’t fit the mold of the “normal” student.

When a parent learns of their child’s diagnosis and disabilities, many are completely overwhelmed, their world has been shaken, and dreams have been shattered. They struggle with feelings of anger, guilt, denial and fear of the unknown. For many, their days are involved with doctors, therapists, hospitals, and learning constantly how to care for their child. And before you know it their child is ready for school and a whole new array of decisions surface. Where does my child fit?

As my child Bryson approached this stage, I was exhausted from the extra stress involved with caring for him, and I trusted and believed that the educators knew what was best and I went along with their recommendations for him. But I learned the hard way, the educational system is tailored to the “normal”, to convenience and this might sound harsh, but to the hope that parents shut up and just don’t push the system. Now, my child was not mistreated and he learned during these first years, but he was not treated as an individual and his uniqueness wasn’t addressed as to what his potential might be.

We started Bryson’s education in the contained Functional skills classroom. After several years, school became a frustration, he did not enjoy it. His classroom was more chaos then learning. There were such a large range of disabilities present in the classroom and even though he had an individual plan in place it wasn’t being followed and there wasn’t enough staff to give him the one on one attention he needed. I learned that I had to be my child’s advocate, I had to arm myself with information, I had to learn what the laws say and I had to start fighting for my child.

This decision took my husband Brad and I on a difficult journey as we researched the options that were available for Bryson. The nights of tears when you feel the resistance of an administrator that doesn’t welcome your child into their school because he doesn’t fit that “normal” standard and might hurt their 4 Star school status. This is where I appeal to your heart; it is time to make this already difficult road being traveled by parents of special needs children easier!! The NO Child left behind act of 2001 has helped in some areas but it has also complicated issues too, which I won’t even start here.

After many meetings and sticking to our guns, we agreed to have him repeat 3rd grade and placed him in a normal classroom under the inclusion model. Inclusion is when the child is fully included in all regular classes for the entire school day, generally with an aide or special education teacher providing the help and resources the child needs to function well. The last several years have been full of many trials, difficulties and conflicts and with special education teachers and administrators as we worked at getting the best programs, helps and goals in place. All these tough decisions and rough roads have been worth every minute, my son has blossomed and is a happy and socially balanced child. He has gained confidence by trying to “do” the same things as his fellow classmates, participating in the classroom projects and discussions. Bryson has been blessed with an incredible “Para” helper who truly cares about him. His classmates have accepted him for who he is and not for whom he is NOT.

As we continue to put our high standard on our educational system, I ask that we also consider the families out there who have had to learn to dream new dreams for their child, who are tired from all the pressures that special needs children bring and to open your hearts and minds to a new way of thinking about how we accept these children in our schools and in our communities. I would like to close with a quote that I found early in my information gathering process that freed me to dream a new dream for my child. From the Parents Review, written by E. Downes, MD November, 1897.
If we cannot teach the sciences; we can, at any rate, employee the dim twilight of the slow developing mind in pressing home the value of truth , honesty, and purity; let us tell of the love of God, the salvation of Christ, and the guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit. Let us do this conscientiously, and await the dawn of the mind sun; when the sun rises, it may be more beautiful, more lovely than we ever could have imagined. Our toil will be a thousand times repaid, not perhaps by the successful result of a competitive examination, but by the useful, loving and healthy life.

My Earthquake

I am just out of the shower and I feel like God talks to me when I am in there and He has given me a great word picture for me today. The last several weeks as I have struggled each day to find joy in the midst of pain, I have asked God “what am I suppose to do with it?” I have realized that I need to really get down to who I am so I can truly know God’s plan for me.

My blog description of who I am goes like this: am the wife to a wonderful man, Brad and the mother of three incredible young men; Bryson age 11, Tyrell age 9 and Kaden age 6. My heart is passionate about my God, my family, my church and my community. I am kept busy with my involvements in these areas. God has brought me on an awesome journey so far in my life and I can't wait to see what He has in store!!!

So what does that really mean? It is nothing unique, just an ordinary description of me, but who am I??? Yesterday I listened to one of Beth Moore’s studies from the Esther series and one point that she said is that so often we want to disconnect something about ourselves or our past and erase it, but that is really what God wants us to move in and might just be the link to His plan!! OK, so who am I? The truth I just received in the shower is “I’m a mother of a special needs child!” I have said it, but I have pushed it under, I have tried to see life as normal. I have compared my trials to those around me and told myself “be strong, this is nothing compared to what they are going through.” Yesterday, when someone told me “be grateful for what you have, you could be in Haiti” I again told myself, yes, butt it up, it could be worse, God is here He will provide.

But NOOOOOOO…… to me this all seems like an earthquake.

I have been living on a fault line, I am living on ground that is full of sin, I am living on ground that is unstable. The grounds shook 12 years ago when my firstborn son was born and I found out that he had suffered a stroke. I had to realize that my dreams for him would probably have to change. Through the past several years I have suffered aftermath tremors from the horrors of seizure medication and doctor’s visits, and therapies and battles with the school system.
Another earthquake hit in 2008 when the words Type 1 diabetes shook my heart to the core. I had to learn in 5 hours of training how to poke my son’s finger, how to give him insulin shots 4 times a day, how to count all of his food intake. The tremors of fear of what if I mess up: “I could kill my son” or “will I find him in a coma in the morning? And then this past week, another earthquake hit, Bryson’s seizures have returned after 6 years of being seizure and medication free. And this time, the impact has hit hard, I feel like the walls are collapsing on me, I feel like everything is crashing in, I feel trapped. I know in my head that my Jesus is the steel that keeps my columns from crushing me, I know in my head that HE will pull me through, I know in my head that HE has incredible plans for me and will work all of this out!! But as we all know cleaning up from an earthquake is a long process, it doesn’t just happen overnight!! So I am slowing starting to dig, dig myself out of these suffocating feelings. I am reading God’s word, listening to others who speak God’s heart, I am reading the promises He has for me, but the task seems long and unmanageable. I am tired, I am exhausted!!

I have to stop comparing my life to others because we each have our own earthquakes in our lives. God will provide for ME what I need, and He will provide for others what they need.

Lisa, stop comparing the road I have you on with other people’s roads, I give each one of you a unique journey to travel, and with each earthquake, I will provide, I will help you dig, I AM the strong steel that will not let it crush you and bury you!! I am here to give you life and give it to you abundantly!! I am here to hold your hand and to carry the shovel when you are tired!! You are MY child, I love you, just let go!! Yes, I have given you a special needs child for a reason, I know you were the perfect mother for Bryson. And because I gave him to you, I will help you, stop worrying, let go of the control, let go of the fears, march ahead with ME. Yes, I have big plans for you that go beyond the realm of a special needs child, but I plan to use that platform, I plan on using moments like this to have you reach others who are crushed and buried with their own earthquakes. Lisa, arise up out of the rubble and run to me, I will bandage the wounds, I will ease the pain!! Stop looking at this road as too long and dirty!! I am there with you to help you pave it into a smooth and joyful road!! Come my child, come and rest in ME!!! Love God

I think I need to rewrite my blog description of me!