Set Apart

It is easy when you are in a crowd of people to look around and ask the one question “do I fit in?” “do I belong?” As I left my son today at 7th grade football practice for the first time, my stomach is in knots. Bryson is calm, excited and ready for this experience, but me, his mom, I am full of anxiety, nervousness and fear. I pray on my way home for protection and for safety. But as I sit here I ponder about my feelings and that question “do I belong, do I fit in?” What am I trying to have him fit in too? Bryson only wants to play football. He knows that his role on this football team will be a manager, because of his limitations, but what do I want him to experience? It is the question that so many of us deal with and it shows my insecurities so well. We want to be liked, accepted, a part of something. But does God ask us to fit in? I searched at Biblegateway.com for the words “set apart” and I was amazed at how many references that spoke toward being set apart. That is what God wants from us, to stand out for Him. I just finished reading the book Weird by Craig Groschel. The tag line of his book is “because normal isn’t working.” The world has convinced us that we need to fit in and be liked, but that is not God’s way, He calls us to be “set apart” for Him.

So back to Bryson, again what do I really want for my boy? God made Bryson in His image, He created Him for a purpose, God knows and cares about everything in Bryson’s life. So what does God want for my son and the 7th grade football team? I don’t know the answer but in my heart I know what God is asking of me; to trust Him and to make sure that my heart is right in what I want for Bryson. I don’t want my desires to be out of my insecurities, or what the world wants, but out of my love and trust of God. A trust that knows God will make a way for Bryson to fulfill the purposes that he was placed on this earth for, and that I shouldn’t hinder God’s work. Craig in his book Weird also says “I was far more concerned with what the people thought than with what God thought.” I don’t want that to be me. He goes on to say “if you’ve surrendered to normal living rather than the wonderful weirdness of being set apart by God, chances are that people are too big in your life and God is too small. Psalm 34:9 says, “Let the Lord’s people show him reverence, for those who honor him will have all they need.”

Bryson is different; he will stand out on the football field as one who isn’t like the rest of the boys. But my sweet Bryson does not seem to be bothered by that, he embraces the fact that he is there with the rest of the boys. He is living in the moment of just living for who he is, not for what others think of him. I believe that God placed Bryson in my life to teach me such valuable lessons. Am I willing to stand in the middle of something and look different and be at peace because God has placed me to be in that moment at that time for the purposes that He has me to do on this earth? Oh I want that!!!
Galatians 1:10 (NLT)
10 Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.

1 Chronicles 10:13-14 (NLT)

13 So Saul died because he was unfaithful to the LORD. He failed to obey the LORD’s command, and he even consulted a medium 14 instead of asking the LORD for guidance. So the LORD killed him and turned the kingdom over to David son of Jesse.

I need to be faithful to the Lord (live)
I need to obey the Lord’s commands (work)
I need to ask the Lord for guidance (Pray)

Purpose of Instruction

If you read through my blog you will easily be able to tell what my main struggles have been over this past year. God spoke to me through His word this morning, again more of the same stuff. I know that life is a journey and my one desire is to keep growing closer to Him.

1 Timothy 1:5-7
The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith. But some people have missed this whole point. They have turned away from these things and spend their time in meaningless discussions. They want to be known as teachers of the law of Moses, but they don’t know what they are talking about, even though they speak so confidently.

I have always been a person that “needs” to figure stuff out, come up with a clear plan, keep things in my control. The last several weeks I have been thrown several curveballs in life and this has increased my desire to figure out God, to figure out what His intentions are for my life, to get it “right” this time. My controlling and perfectionist personality thinks I need to figure it all out so I can move forward.
This morning the words from 1 Timothy truly spoke to my heart. God gives His Word, His instruction for 3 purposes. He wants us to be filled with love so that we can:
1. Have a pure heart
2. A clear conscience
3. A genuine faith.
That is it, nothing more. He really is not complicated. He desires us to be filled with love. The remaining verses are the ones that hurt a bit more when I read them. “and spend their time in meaningless discussions” That is what I do; I talk to others, analysis it all in my brain, looking for the right answer. I share with others what I have learned and what I know to be right. But am I living that way?? That is the conflicting point in my life. I know the truth, but do I believe and do I walk it? God’s way is simple. Live my life so I have a pure heart, pure intentions, and walk in truth. A clear conscience, doing the things He is asking me to do, not going astray by the world’s view. And last have a genuine faith. FAITH, He just wants me to let go, surrender and trust Him. He will take care of the rest; He will lead me in the direction He desires if I only practice these principles.
So a challenge to myself, don't look to friends and books to try and figure out what I need to do. I need to stay rooted in His Word and make sure I am living by these concepts in my decision making. Because when I walk with a pure heart and a clear conscience in all that I do and live my life with COMPLETE FAITH, the doubts and confusion will all fade away and the glory of God will be illuminated in my life and I can truly shine for Him.

My prayer

This prayer is taken from Lysa Terkeurst book "Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl". I have read this over and over again, but today it struck me in a deeper way. I have been struggling with words such as surrender, faith, control, worry, desire. As I read it I realized again how this needs to be my prayer daily as I seek His face.

Just for today I will live this way… just for today, I am making the choice to not settle, Lord. Just for today, I will not let the subtle influences of pride and thinking I know what is best for me over shadow my desire for more of You in my life. Today, I will believe with absolute certainty. Today, I will obey You with complete surrender. Today, I will seek You with complete abandon. For doing this is fulfilling the purpose for which I was created…not to bring myself glory by some great accomplishment, but to bring You glory by making You my greatest heart’s desire. O God, let me make that choice today. Even if it is just for a day – how I long for it to be more, but even if it is just for today, may it be completely so. For one day completely with You is truly, truly better than a thousand elsewhere. In Jesus’ name, Amen!!

I want to hear His voice calling my name, and like Samual did "speak Lord, for your servant is listening." (1 samual 3:10) HERE I AM LORD!!

Run to HIM

Last night Bryson had been mean to Kaden and so Brad had a discussion with Bryson about the consequences that went along with what he did. As the dialogue went along Bryson made a very strong statement that he was just going to lock his door and do what he wanted. Brad reminded him of a bigger consequence that could come from a decision like that. Bryson very quickly said sorry for his statement and then said "I just wish I was in Heaven, I could be playing with Jalyn" (Jalyn was a 10 year old friend who died in a car accident this past April)

As I thought about Bryson's statement I wondered what he was really thinking. Did he see Heaven as this safe place where there is no discipline and you can just play all the time? My hope is that Bryson knows that Heaven is a safe place. But I wondered how I can teach him and show him that we can feel safe here on earth too!! This really got my mind churning. Do I truly believe I am safe here on earth? There are so many struggles each day, so many hard decisions and some times I just want to get off this wild roller coaster ride. This verse came to my mind - John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” How I desire to cling to that verse. I can feel safe here on earth if I receive the peace of my Heavenly Father, trust HIM, run to HIM and rest in His arms. He has overcome so that I can live in a safe place here and now.

My Wilderness Walk

I had to delete this post because I was getting spam comments on it, so I am just reposting it.

I found this paper that I wrote back in April and thought I would share it!! It is humbling to read it after several months and realize how you are still struggling with the same areas. I know that life is a journey and my hope is that I can see growth in myself (even if it is slow) and know that I am moving in the right direction with my relationship with Jesus!!

While Brad and I were gone on vacation to the Dominican Republic in March, our youngest son, Kaden lost his glasses in the hay field behind our house while driving four wheeler. Why he even had them on with his helmet is questionable!! My mom and others had searched through the field with no avail before we came home, and I considered going out and looking when we first came back but just couldn’t get myself to go. Then on the Friday night shortly after our return as I was sitting at my computer on Facebook, I looked out the window and saw Brad, Ty and Kaden scouring the fields. I was prompted to go out!!

Did I find the glasses NO, but I had a spiritual experience. While on vacation I was reading a book called Pray Big. It talked about being specific about our prayers and that God cares for the little things that we do. The author gave the story about a gal who lost her room key to her motel while running and after going back over where she ran with no avail, someone asked her if she had prayed about it. She had responded with “no” she hadn’t even thought about it. So she paused and prayed and in a few minutes someone found them.

So as I ventured out, I had this story floating through my mind and I started praying for God to show me the glasses. I prayed and I prayed, I started crying and so many emotions started coming to my mind. If I pray harder then God will reveal it to me. If I just had more faith… and this started my conversation with God. Faith, believing, where did I stand with God? I believe that He can move mountains; I believe that He can heal. OR do I really??? Where is my faith? Is it conditional? How deep does my faith go? I battled with God. I felt Him tell me I just need to believe, I just need to trust. Trust, what is that? If you would ask me, do I trust God? I would tell you “yes”, but do I???? I caught myself telling God, if you help me find these glasses then I will totally serve you, but I caught myself, I can’t put God in a box, then I cried more, I just want to know God, I want to know what plans He has for me, what purpose He has. I cried out for guidance, telling Him that I believe He has a plan!! What is it Lord??

Shortly after I started, my 2 boys got side tracked by a dog chasing a rabbit and they ran off after the rabbit. I felt like God told me that is how I am in my Christian walk. Walking this road of faith is hard, slow and tedious work. It is sometimes not very rewarding, you can’t see what you are truly looking for and because of that we start running off and chasing “rabbits”, other things that look more exciting. Brad kept calling them back but they were too involved in the rabbit and the dog. I started crying harder, I didn’t want to run off and chase other things, I want to stay focused on God, but how many times I run off and chase other things, like food, laziness, shopping, human relationships.

I continued to walk and I continued to ask, “God can you show me these glasses?” He told me He could; He reminded me that He could have them show up anywhere because HE is God. So why didn’t HE? I wandered around the hayfield like the Israelites did. I wandered randomly around, and then I saw the sun setting. Follow the sun I thought, “Is that God talking?” I asked myself, so I followed the sun’s path, and asked “Jesus, you are God’s son, can you reveal to me the glasses?” I came to the end of the field and the sun set, no glasses. Now what God, am I suppose to find them?

Then I asked God for a monument, like the one that was built by the Jordan River. The Israelites built this after they crossed the river and God had parted the waters again to remind them of what God had done for them. I asked Him for my rock pile, Kaden’s glasses. So I could testify of how God worked in this search and revealed the glasses. NO glasses, NO monument. My toes were about frozen, I was emotionally exhausted from my conversation, do I give up? Does that mean I am giving up on God? No, I wasn’t giving up on Him.

So what did I learn on my wilderness walk? I’m really not sure, I’m struggling. I know I want to believe, I know I want to have a faith that can move mountains. But I struggle so much with doing versus resting. God teach me through this walk!! I want to follow You wherever you take me. I want to be surrendered and abandoned to your plan. Why did you have me take this walk through the field in search of Kaden’s glasses and I didn’t find them? I did feel you God; I know you walked with me!! But what do you want to show me?? I’m waiting to hear God!!! I wasn’t looking for glasses I was looking for my faith!!

The Controlling Young/Middle Aged Woman

Paraphrase to Mark 10: 17 - 22

17 As I started my morning with devotions, I sat down at my desk, opened my Bible, and prayed “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good. 19 But to answer your question, you know the commandments: ‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. You must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother.’
20 “Teacher,” I replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.”
21 As He looked down from Heaven at me, I felt His genuine love for me. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” He told me. “Let go of all your control issues, your selfishness, your fears, your idol of food and let me lead your life, and you will have treasures in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
22 At this my face fell, and I closed my Bible and cried, for I have such a hard time letting go of control and my own desires.

In the past as I read or heard the story of the rich young man, I always thought of it as material possessions and those kinds of things. And yes, that might be what Jesus was speaking about in this parable. But as we know parables are teaching moments and today this passage had nothing to do with things and stuff, but all to do with my behaviors, attitudes, issues and what holding me back from living my life to the fullest. Jesus’ desire is for us to follow Him, to let Him lead, to love on us. As it says in verse 29 – 31 “Yes,” Jesus replied, “and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, 30 will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property—along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life. 31 But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.”

Jesus has plans to give us eternal life, to make us great, to reward us with so many blessings, they can’t be measured. That is what is on God’s heart. He is asking us one simple thing “come, follow me.” Give up all the strongholds of fear and failure and trust HIM, put all my faith in Him, as it says in Luke 17:6 “If you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘May you be uprooted and thrown into the sea,’ and it would obey you!

God is not asking that I have to have faith that is all mighty, He just wants my simple small mustard seed size faith, He just wants me to let go of control and self and rest in HIM, claim HIM and FOLLOW HIM and watch and see what marvelous things HE will do.