A Speech about me!!

My husband Brad and I joined a Speechcraft class through Toastmasters International last week!! This might appear as shocking to some of you who know us well, in some ways it shocks us that we are attending. We both decided we were going to do something a little bit risky and out of our comfort zone. Speechcraft is about improving oral communication, leadership skills and in turn fosters self-confidence and personal growth. This past Tuesday, I was to give my first 2-3 minute ice breaker speech about myself. The class was originally told we were to give a 4-6 minute speech and that is what I initially wrote out. I had to edit my speech down a lot when I delivered it and presented it in 3 minutes and 5 seconds. I thought since I wrote out this complete speech and didn't get to deliver it all, I would share it with you.


A Life on Purpose
We are all here on earth for a purpose and as we journey through this life our desire is to discover that purpose. Born and raised in Goshen within a loving Christian family unit, I knew that I was loved. But as I entered the world in Kindergarten, life hit me with the truth of our humanness. The words “you are fat” spoken to me without knowledge of the depth it would settle in my heart. These words started defining my life patterns. I grew up with a desire to fit in, to be included, to be chosen but as my self confidence waned, I discovered that I had academic ability. So I dove in completely to my school work, I applied my perfection personality and never looked back. I obsessed, worried and believed that if I get all “A’s” it would give me the sense of purpose I was seeking.
I excelled all through school and during this time I continued to battle with my weight. Tugging at my heart strings were the thoughts that if I was skinny I would fit in better with everyone. In my schoolwork it was evident of how my fears were playing out. I never pushed myself to take classes that possibility might jeopardize my perfect scores, I participated and excelled in all the business courses. So as my senior year arrived, I was awarded the honor of salutatorian of the Fairfield High school class of 1990.
My father owned Miller Brothers Builders and Miller’s Building Supply in Goshen and with my business skills; I knew that is where I would spend my working years until I became a mother so college wasn’t necessary. Life was playing out as planned. I spend a year at Bible School in Ohio where through a dear friend, I met my Canadian husband, Brad and after 3 years of courtship we were married in 1994. I worked at Miller Brothers as business manager. The fears, lack of self confidence and weight issues continued to plaque me during all these years and even though life on the surface looked good, I struggled internally to know my purpose and the plans God had for me.
Life took an abrupt turn on September 20, 1996 when I received a call from my mom, her and dad were on vacation in Branson, Missouri to say that “dad just went code blue and she would call me back” He passed away of a massive heart attack shortly after the call. Now what? My business abilities kicked in and I along with my only sibling, my brother Nate and Brad we took over Miller Brothers and Miller’s Building Supply, God granted us knowledge and wisdom to operate the business.
I was blessed to become a mother in January of 1998, a wonderful, adorable boy, Bryson. When Bryson was 2 days old, life again took another abrupt turn. A nurse entered our room in the early morning hours to let us know that she had observed some strange activity during the night that could resemble a seizure and they wanted to run a battery of tests. What seemed like hours, a doctor arrived to tell us there was evidence from the CT scan of some brain abnormalities and Goshen Hospital wasn’t equipped to handle this and was calling Riley Hospital to send an ambulance. The fears of the unknown, was Bryson going to die? Bryson was born by C-section and so I was recovering from surgery. We called our friends and family to pray. I recall being wheeled down to the nursery and held my son before he left. Not knowing if I would see him alive again or what all was in store. The doctors were kind and released me to accompany my son down to Riley. After several days at Riley, Bryson was diagnosed as having suffered a stroke before birth.
The next several years were involved intensely with Bryson’s physical and medical issues involving physical, speech, occupational therapies, doctor appointments, EEG’s and lots of seizure medication. My purpose of life now was to give my son the best life possible. I struggled turning this time to understand the “whys”, why my son, why me? It really didn’t seem fair, I didn’t sign up for this. As I processed through these emotions, I was put on the bottom of the priority list and my weight increased. It took me several years before I was able to accept this part of God’s plan for my life and with this healing, I got an increase in my self confidence. I realized that I was an advocate for my son and I had to stand up and fight for him.
IN 2000, we welcomed Tyrell into our family and he brought another piece of joy to our home. As I adapted to 2 children and the intensity of Bryson’s needs, I was diagnosed with depression. This opened my eyes to some of my emotions and fears, and I was able to work through some of these thoughts and feelings. And then in 2003 we welcomed our youngest son Kaden. So with my quiver full of 3 boys, my oldest son with special needs and my self confidence increasing, I was still plagued with fears and my weight. I was just surviving on this journey called life.
Finally in 2007 I decided I was done just surviving and I wanted to discover what God had for me. I cleared my calendar of all extra activities and made it the Year of Lisa. I started reading and digging deeper into who I am. I discovered that the first thing I had to address was my weight issue. IN 2008, I lost 40 pounds and gained another level of confidence by feeling good physically because of exercise and healthy eating habits. But I still needed to unearth the other issues that were buried deep that were not letting me fully live out the plans for me. I hired a life coach and have spend the last several years seeking to understand who I am, starting to read the Bible in a new way and other books that clarify what my being here is all about. I am still on this journey but I have grown so much in understanding my purpose and as Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I cling to the motto that is on the wall in my living room “The purpose of life is a life of purpose”. And I wait with anticipation for the next adventure God has in store for me.

The Road I don’t want to Travel

God has given each one of us different roads and paths to travel during our time here on earth. Some are straight and smooth and others are full of curves and potholes. My life has included some of each. Right now I am afraid that God is leading me on a road with curves and potholes and I don’t want to go. It is not that I have never traveled this road before; it is because I have traveled this road many years ago and the potholes were very big and deep and caused pain with each bump.
Over the last several months Bryson has had some unusual episodes at school and on December 27th, Brad and I experienced 3 episodes with him while celebrating Christmas in Canada. The road I am afraid of is SEIZURES. I have struggled the last several weeks thinking about the possibility. I can’t even see the road ahead and I really haven’t even started walking down this road yet, but the possibility of it keeps taking me back; back to that road, back to the place where I lived in such fear, hopelessness, and sadness. Bryson had a seizure when he was 2 days old that started our journey. He started on a low dose of seizure medication. At 10 months old, we asked for an EEG in hopes that he could get off his medication. But that is when the road curved sharply and the bumps started coming. For the next several years, we had a neurologist who believed he could HEAL Bryson of Epilepsy and Bryson was over medicated, lethargic, and didn't seem to be improving. As parents you want to do everything you can for your child and you believe that doctors know what is best. Finally, we reached the end of our rope and went for a second opinion to Cleveland Clinic. Here is where we started seeing hope and a future outside of seizures and medication and as I stated in an earlier post, Bryson has been drug and seizure free for over 5 years.
What else did I write in that same post – “and we stand firmly believing that God healed Bryson from Epilepsy “What does that mean for this road I might be approaching? I believe God, I don’t want to question him; I don’t want to doubt his healing hand? NO I don’t want to travel this road, but I know that God has a plan, and maybe the purpose is for me to deal with that road that I traveled many years ago, deal with the anger I have toward that doctor. God wants me to travel again down those roads and repave them; repave them with His love; His care; His understanding, repave with forgiveness.
In my daily reading from the chronological Bible today, Genesis 18:1- 21:7, I was challenged with the way that Abraham questioned and pleaded with the Lord over saving Sodom if he found righteous people. He asked again and again. I also pondered on the question in Genesis 18:14 “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” Nothing is too hard for Him, He will be with me as I travel these roads laid out ahead of me, He is ok when I question him over and over to try and help me understand. He loves me!!
So I finally picked up the phone today and called the neurologist about what the next step should be. As I start down this road, I desire to seek God in every curve and in every bump. I desire to seek His face and ask Him questions. And as I walk step by step, I will continue to believe that nothing is too hard for my Lord and that HE can make this road smooth and straight!! God knows what He is doing and I just need to walk with my hand held firmly in His!!