God has given each one of us different roads and paths to travel during our time here on earth. Some are straight and smooth and others are full of curves and potholes. My life has included some of each. Right now I am afraid that God is leading me on a road with curves and potholes and I don’t want to go. It is not that I have never traveled this road before; it is because I have traveled this road many years ago and the potholes were very big and deep and caused pain with each bump.
Over the last several months Bryson has had some unusual episodes at school and on December 27th, Brad and I experienced 3 episodes with him while celebrating Christmas in Canada. The road I am afraid of is SEIZURES. I have struggled the last several weeks thinking about the possibility. I can’t even see the road ahead and I really haven’t even started walking down this road yet, but the possibility of it keeps taking me back; back to that road, back to the place where I lived in such fear, hopelessness, and sadness. Bryson had a seizure when he was 2 days old that started our journey. He started on a low dose of seizure medication. At 10 months old, we asked for an EEG in hopes that he could get off his medication. But that is when the road curved sharply and the bumps started coming. For the next several years, we had a neurologist who believed he could HEAL Bryson of Epilepsy and Bryson was over medicated, lethargic, and didn't seem to be improving. As parents you want to do everything you can for your child and you believe that doctors know what is best. Finally, we reached the end of our rope and went for a second opinion to Cleveland Clinic. Here is where we started seeing hope and a future outside of seizures and medication and as I stated in an earlier post, Bryson has been drug and seizure free for over 5 years.
What else did I write in that same post – “and we stand firmly believing that God healed Bryson from Epilepsy “What does that mean for this road I might be approaching? I believe God, I don’t want to question him; I don’t want to doubt his healing hand? NO I don’t want to travel this road, but I know that God has a plan, and maybe the purpose is for me to deal with that road that I traveled many years ago, deal with the anger I have toward that doctor. God wants me to travel again down those roads and repave them; repave them with His love; His care; His understanding, repave with forgiveness.
In my daily reading from the chronological Bible today, Genesis 18:1- 21:7, I was challenged with the way that Abraham questioned and pleaded with the Lord over saving Sodom if he found righteous people. He asked again and again. I also pondered on the question in Genesis 18:14 “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” Nothing is too hard for Him, He will be with me as I travel these roads laid out ahead of me, He is ok when I question him over and over to try and help me understand. He loves me!!
So I finally picked up the phone today and called the neurologist about what the next step should be. As I start down this road, I desire to seek God in every curve and in every bump. I desire to seek His face and ask Him questions. And as I walk step by step, I will continue to believe that nothing is too hard for my Lord and that HE can make this road smooth and straight!! God knows what He is doing and I just need to walk with my hand held firmly in His!!
4 comments:
Such a difficult thing when it comes to our children...putting them in someone else's hands. But were better to place them at then the feet of God himself?
I pray for strength, peace, and the endurance you will need in the coming months ahead. Remember that God did not put us here on earth to endure it alone...lean on the friends and family God has blessed you with, those he has placed in your path to "do life together with"!
God has great things planned for Bryson and your family, His will will be accomplished!
Lisa; you are such an inspiration to me. Your faith is amazing. Thank you for sharing from you heart. We will pray for Bryson and for your family
My heart aches for you and Bryson! I will pray...May you feel our Father's deepest love for you as you surround yourself with the unknown. I believe it with all my heart that it's not 'the road you want to travel' ..please use us folks around you for whatever the needs are. I had no idea you were going thru this journey! My hugs and love sent your way, Lisa! ~Kathryn
Lisa, thanks for writing. I was reminded how you shared some of your fears with me at Christmas-time. I will continue to pray for you, Brad, and Bryson. The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle...and although we sometimes feel like closing our eyes tightly and bracing ourselves...He is there to hold our hand and say, "Trust ME! I've experienced pain and know how you feel. I will be with you always."
Love ya,
Gloria.
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