Toby Mac's new CD has really impacted me this week!! The songs "Hey Devil" and this one "Get Back UP" that is what my desire is to get back up again and shine!!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
My 3rd Speech with Speechcraft
This speech was fun to give and I loved how it reminded myself of the priceless memories we made this past year!! God is an Awesome God!!
Priceless Memories
Many of you know the commercial on TV for MasterCard, where it shows or mentions events or objects with a dollar value placed on it. Then at the end of the commercial it has something that is priceless. Well I want to share with you about some of the priceless memories our family made on summer vacation last year. My facebook status on July 13 was this:
Days gone = 24; Miles driven = 6,289; pounds gained = ??XX)#(%(%; money spent = don't want to know; Memories made = PRICELESS
Our vacation started out without my husband Brad, because of the responsibilities at work he could not be gone for 24 days. My mother left with my 3 boys and I and we drove to Arborg, Manitoba to Grandpa and Grandma Plett’s house. What a blessing for my mother to accompany me on this 1100 mile drive. She was there for 5 days and then flew home. We spent the first 10 days partying with G&G, Aunts, Uncles, cousins and friends. Brad then flew into Winnipeg and then the second ½ of our vacation started. We headed WEST. Brad has 2 single sisters living in Red Deer, Alberta so we arrived there. We made many priceless memories but I want to just highlight a few from our time in the West.
First were our Geocaching adventures. Brad’s new found hobby of geocaching fast became a family favorite as we found 22 during our travels. 4 in Manitoba, 1 in Saskatchewan, 9 in Alberta, 3 B.C. 1 in Wyoming, 3 Montana and 1 in Utah – we drove 150 feet into Utah to get this cache just to say we were in Utah and could cross off this state for a find. The most memorable geocache adventure took place in Radium Hot Springs, B.C. we were there just for one night before we were heading back the U.S. and were going to have to say goodbye to the boy’s favorite aunties. Brad’s GPS showed a cache its name “slippery Slope” close to our motel. We arrived at a campground and the GPS took us on a hike to Sinclair falls. What made this memorable is the hike to see this amazing hidden falls, what a beautiful reward after climbing up muddy trails and down slippery slopes all with mosquitoes buzzing all around you. It also was memorable because Bryson hiked the entire way. Because of his disabilities he does not normally go on the rough terrain geocache hunts, but he did this one, it was hard but he did it!! And yes, finding the cache that was cool too.
A second highlight was being flexible and having fun. I am a perfectionist and slightly a control freak so I like to have things planned out and structured, but not on this trip and how much fun we had. On one of our day excursions from Red Deer to Drumheller to see the Royal Tyrrell Museum, Canada’s Dinosaur Museum we saw a sign beside the road that said World Famous Gopher Hole Museum 2 miles. We decided to see what this was all about!! It is located in Torrington, Alberta and what fun. The museum, a little white building not much bigger than this room, and a sweet little old lady greeted us. It consisted of a room with shadow box displays of real stuffed Gophers depicting different scenes of life from Torrington. Favorites were the camping box, fireman, hunting season, the Torrington Hockey arena, the Torrington bank, this box was showing a bank robbery in progress. We got many laughs during our stop and I would suggest if you are ever driving through the rolling hills of Alberta and are close to Torrington, it is worth the stop!!
A 3rd highlight was the mountains. Each time I have been privileged to see the Canadian Rockies I am in absolute awe at the awesomeness of God!! As you have been watching the Olympics these last several weeks, have you not been amazed at the scenic views. It is breathtaking and I always gravel with the thoughts of how you cannot believe in the power of our creator God and his handiwork.
When we arrived home we were exhausted and glad to be home. But my fun didn’t quite end. I am an avid scrapbooker and just recently have changed from traditional scrapbooking to digital so the next weekend I got to relive all the memories as I sorted through the over 1500 pictures that Brad and I took and made 2 scrapbooks from our trip. I have them here today and would love to show them to you and share more of the priceless memories we made on our summer vacation.
Priceless Memories
Many of you know the commercial on TV for MasterCard, where it shows or mentions events or objects with a dollar value placed on it. Then at the end of the commercial it has something that is priceless. Well I want to share with you about some of the priceless memories our family made on summer vacation last year. My facebook status on July 13 was this:
Days gone = 24; Miles driven = 6,289; pounds gained = ??XX)#(%(%; money spent = don't want to know; Memories made = PRICELESS
Our vacation started out without my husband Brad, because of the responsibilities at work he could not be gone for 24 days. My mother left with my 3 boys and I and we drove to Arborg, Manitoba to Grandpa and Grandma Plett’s house. What a blessing for my mother to accompany me on this 1100 mile drive. She was there for 5 days and then flew home. We spent the first 10 days partying with G&G, Aunts, Uncles, cousins and friends. Brad then flew into Winnipeg and then the second ½ of our vacation started. We headed WEST. Brad has 2 single sisters living in Red Deer, Alberta so we arrived there. We made many priceless memories but I want to just highlight a few from our time in the West.
First were our Geocaching adventures. Brad’s new found hobby of geocaching fast became a family favorite as we found 22 during our travels. 4 in Manitoba, 1 in Saskatchewan, 9 in Alberta, 3 B.C. 1 in Wyoming, 3 Montana and 1 in Utah – we drove 150 feet into Utah to get this cache just to say we were in Utah and could cross off this state for a find. The most memorable geocache adventure took place in Radium Hot Springs, B.C. we were there just for one night before we were heading back the U.S. and were going to have to say goodbye to the boy’s favorite aunties. Brad’s GPS showed a cache its name “slippery Slope” close to our motel. We arrived at a campground and the GPS took us on a hike to Sinclair falls. What made this memorable is the hike to see this amazing hidden falls, what a beautiful reward after climbing up muddy trails and down slippery slopes all with mosquitoes buzzing all around you. It also was memorable because Bryson hiked the entire way. Because of his disabilities he does not normally go on the rough terrain geocache hunts, but he did this one, it was hard but he did it!! And yes, finding the cache that was cool too.
A second highlight was being flexible and having fun. I am a perfectionist and slightly a control freak so I like to have things planned out and structured, but not on this trip and how much fun we had. On one of our day excursions from Red Deer to Drumheller to see the Royal Tyrrell Museum, Canada’s Dinosaur Museum we saw a sign beside the road that said World Famous Gopher Hole Museum 2 miles. We decided to see what this was all about!! It is located in Torrington, Alberta and what fun. The museum, a little white building not much bigger than this room, and a sweet little old lady greeted us. It consisted of a room with shadow box displays of real stuffed Gophers depicting different scenes of life from Torrington. Favorites were the camping box, fireman, hunting season, the Torrington Hockey arena, the Torrington bank, this box was showing a bank robbery in progress. We got many laughs during our stop and I would suggest if you are ever driving through the rolling hills of Alberta and are close to Torrington, it is worth the stop!!
A 3rd highlight was the mountains. Each time I have been privileged to see the Canadian Rockies I am in absolute awe at the awesomeness of God!! As you have been watching the Olympics these last several weeks, have you not been amazed at the scenic views. It is breathtaking and I always gravel with the thoughts of how you cannot believe in the power of our creator God and his handiwork.
When we arrived home we were exhausted and glad to be home. But my fun didn’t quite end. I am an avid scrapbooker and just recently have changed from traditional scrapbooking to digital so the next weekend I got to relive all the memories as I sorted through the over 1500 pictures that Brad and I took and made 2 scrapbooks from our trip. I have them here today and would love to show them to you and share more of the priceless memories we made on our summer vacation.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
My 2nd speech with Speechcraft
Today I was able to finally give my 2nd speech at Speechcraft. Two weeks ago I was too emotional to present it and last week was canceled due to the weather, and even though today was emotional, I felt that one way to accept my role as a Special Needs mom was to share this speech that I wrote 3 weeks ago. I did not say this word for word but it works better for me to write it all out and then condense it down to notes. I thought I would share it with you!!
No Child Left Behind
In today’s society, there is extreme value placed on education and learning. Millions of dollars are spend each year and many programs are in place, all with the goal of “NO Child left behind”. Parents drive their children to learn and succeed, parents are encouraged to start College funds for their children with they are yet babies. This is all fine and well, but what I want you to think about today is what happens when your child doesn’t fit the mold of the “normal” student.
When a parent learns of their child’s diagnosis and disabilities, many are completely overwhelmed, their world has been shaken, and dreams have been shattered. They struggle with feelings of anger, guilt, denial and fear of the unknown. For many, their days are involved with doctors, therapists, hospitals, and learning constantly how to care for their child. And before you know it their child is ready for school and a whole new array of decisions surface. Where does my child fit?
As my child Bryson approached this stage, I was exhausted from the extra stress involved with caring for him, and I trusted and believed that the educators knew what was best and I went along with their recommendations for him. But I learned the hard way, the educational system is tailored to the “normal”, to convenience and this might sound harsh, but to the hope that parents shut up and just don’t push the system. Now, my child was not mistreated and he learned during these first years, but he was not treated as an individual and his uniqueness wasn’t addressed as to what his potential might be.
We started Bryson’s education in the contained Functional skills classroom. After several years, school became a frustration, he did not enjoy it. His classroom was more chaos then learning. There were such a large range of disabilities present in the classroom and even though he had an individual plan in place it wasn’t being followed and there wasn’t enough staff to give him the one on one attention he needed. I learned that I had to be my child’s advocate, I had to arm myself with information, I had to learn what the laws say and I had to start fighting for my child.
This decision took my husband Brad and I on a difficult journey as we researched the options that were available for Bryson. The nights of tears when you feel the resistance of an administrator that doesn’t welcome your child into their school because he doesn’t fit that “normal” standard and might hurt their 4 Star school status. This is where I appeal to your heart; it is time to make this already difficult road being traveled by parents of special needs children easier!! The NO Child left behind act of 2001 has helped in some areas but it has also complicated issues too, which I won’t even start here.
After many meetings and sticking to our guns, we agreed to have him repeat 3rd grade and placed him in a normal classroom under the inclusion model. Inclusion is when the child is fully included in all regular classes for the entire school day, generally with an aide or special education teacher providing the help and resources the child needs to function well. The last several years have been full of many trials, difficulties and conflicts and with special education teachers and administrators as we worked at getting the best programs, helps and goals in place. All these tough decisions and rough roads have been worth every minute, my son has blossomed and is a happy and socially balanced child. He has gained confidence by trying to “do” the same things as his fellow classmates, participating in the classroom projects and discussions. Bryson has been blessed with an incredible “Para” helper who truly cares about him. His classmates have accepted him for who he is and not for whom he is NOT.
As we continue to put our high standard on our educational system, I ask that we also consider the families out there who have had to learn to dream new dreams for their child, who are tired from all the pressures that special needs children bring and to open your hearts and minds to a new way of thinking about how we accept these children in our schools and in our communities. I would like to close with a quote that I found early in my information gathering process that freed me to dream a new dream for my child. From the Parents Review, written by E. Downes, MD November, 1897.
If we cannot teach the sciences; we can, at any rate, employee the dim twilight of the slow developing mind in pressing home the value of truth , honesty, and purity; let us tell of the love of God, the salvation of Christ, and the guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit. Let us do this conscientiously, and await the dawn of the mind sun; when the sun rises, it may be more beautiful, more lovely than we ever could have imagined. Our toil will be a thousand times repaid, not perhaps by the successful result of a competitive examination, but by the useful, loving and healthy life.
No Child Left Behind
In today’s society, there is extreme value placed on education and learning. Millions of dollars are spend each year and many programs are in place, all with the goal of “NO Child left behind”. Parents drive their children to learn and succeed, parents are encouraged to start College funds for their children with they are yet babies. This is all fine and well, but what I want you to think about today is what happens when your child doesn’t fit the mold of the “normal” student.
When a parent learns of their child’s diagnosis and disabilities, many are completely overwhelmed, their world has been shaken, and dreams have been shattered. They struggle with feelings of anger, guilt, denial and fear of the unknown. For many, their days are involved with doctors, therapists, hospitals, and learning constantly how to care for their child. And before you know it their child is ready for school and a whole new array of decisions surface. Where does my child fit?
As my child Bryson approached this stage, I was exhausted from the extra stress involved with caring for him, and I trusted and believed that the educators knew what was best and I went along with their recommendations for him. But I learned the hard way, the educational system is tailored to the “normal”, to convenience and this might sound harsh, but to the hope that parents shut up and just don’t push the system. Now, my child was not mistreated and he learned during these first years, but he was not treated as an individual and his uniqueness wasn’t addressed as to what his potential might be.
We started Bryson’s education in the contained Functional skills classroom. After several years, school became a frustration, he did not enjoy it. His classroom was more chaos then learning. There were such a large range of disabilities present in the classroom and even though he had an individual plan in place it wasn’t being followed and there wasn’t enough staff to give him the one on one attention he needed. I learned that I had to be my child’s advocate, I had to arm myself with information, I had to learn what the laws say and I had to start fighting for my child.
This decision took my husband Brad and I on a difficult journey as we researched the options that were available for Bryson. The nights of tears when you feel the resistance of an administrator that doesn’t welcome your child into their school because he doesn’t fit that “normal” standard and might hurt their 4 Star school status. This is where I appeal to your heart; it is time to make this already difficult road being traveled by parents of special needs children easier!! The NO Child left behind act of 2001 has helped in some areas but it has also complicated issues too, which I won’t even start here.
After many meetings and sticking to our guns, we agreed to have him repeat 3rd grade and placed him in a normal classroom under the inclusion model. Inclusion is when the child is fully included in all regular classes for the entire school day, generally with an aide or special education teacher providing the help and resources the child needs to function well. The last several years have been full of many trials, difficulties and conflicts and with special education teachers and administrators as we worked at getting the best programs, helps and goals in place. All these tough decisions and rough roads have been worth every minute, my son has blossomed and is a happy and socially balanced child. He has gained confidence by trying to “do” the same things as his fellow classmates, participating in the classroom projects and discussions. Bryson has been blessed with an incredible “Para” helper who truly cares about him. His classmates have accepted him for who he is and not for whom he is NOT.
As we continue to put our high standard on our educational system, I ask that we also consider the families out there who have had to learn to dream new dreams for their child, who are tired from all the pressures that special needs children bring and to open your hearts and minds to a new way of thinking about how we accept these children in our schools and in our communities. I would like to close with a quote that I found early in my information gathering process that freed me to dream a new dream for my child. From the Parents Review, written by E. Downes, MD November, 1897.
If we cannot teach the sciences; we can, at any rate, employee the dim twilight of the slow developing mind in pressing home the value of truth , honesty, and purity; let us tell of the love of God, the salvation of Christ, and the guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit. Let us do this conscientiously, and await the dawn of the mind sun; when the sun rises, it may be more beautiful, more lovely than we ever could have imagined. Our toil will be a thousand times repaid, not perhaps by the successful result of a competitive examination, but by the useful, loving and healthy life.
My Earthquake
I am just out of the shower and I feel like God talks to me when I am in there and He has given me a great word picture for me today. The last several weeks as I have struggled each day to find joy in the midst of pain, I have asked God “what am I suppose to do with it?” I have realized that I need to really get down to who I am so I can truly know God’s plan for me.
My blog description of who I am goes like this: am the wife to a wonderful man, Brad and the mother of three incredible young men; Bryson age 11, Tyrell age 9 and Kaden age 6. My heart is passionate about my God, my family, my church and my community. I am kept busy with my involvements in these areas. God has brought me on an awesome journey so far in my life and I can't wait to see what He has in store!!!
So what does that really mean? It is nothing unique, just an ordinary description of me, but who am I??? Yesterday I listened to one of Beth Moore’s studies from the Esther series and one point that she said is that so often we want to disconnect something about ourselves or our past and erase it, but that is really what God wants us to move in and might just be the link to His plan!! OK, so who am I? The truth I just received in the shower is “I’m a mother of a special needs child!” I have said it, but I have pushed it under, I have tried to see life as normal. I have compared my trials to those around me and told myself “be strong, this is nothing compared to what they are going through.” Yesterday, when someone told me “be grateful for what you have, you could be in Haiti” I again told myself, yes, butt it up, it could be worse, God is here He will provide.
But NOOOOOOO…… to me this all seems like an earthquake.
I have been living on a fault line, I am living on ground that is full of sin, I am living on ground that is unstable. The grounds shook 12 years ago when my firstborn son was born and I found out that he had suffered a stroke. I had to realize that my dreams for him would probably have to change. Through the past several years I have suffered aftermath tremors from the horrors of seizure medication and doctor’s visits, and therapies and battles with the school system.
Another earthquake hit in 2008 when the words Type 1 diabetes shook my heart to the core. I had to learn in 5 hours of training how to poke my son’s finger, how to give him insulin shots 4 times a day, how to count all of his food intake. The tremors of fear of what if I mess up: “I could kill my son” or “will I find him in a coma in the morning? And then this past week, another earthquake hit, Bryson’s seizures have returned after 6 years of being seizure and medication free. And this time, the impact has hit hard, I feel like the walls are collapsing on me, I feel like everything is crashing in, I feel trapped. I know in my head that my Jesus is the steel that keeps my columns from crushing me, I know in my head that HE will pull me through, I know in my head that HE has incredible plans for me and will work all of this out!! But as we all know cleaning up from an earthquake is a long process, it doesn’t just happen overnight!! So I am slowing starting to dig, dig myself out of these suffocating feelings. I am reading God’s word, listening to others who speak God’s heart, I am reading the promises He has for me, but the task seems long and unmanageable. I am tired, I am exhausted!!
I have to stop comparing my life to others because we each have our own earthquakes in our lives. God will provide for ME what I need, and He will provide for others what they need.
Lisa, stop comparing the road I have you on with other people’s roads, I give each one of you a unique journey to travel, and with each earthquake, I will provide, I will help you dig, I AM the strong steel that will not let it crush you and bury you!! I am here to give you life and give it to you abundantly!! I am here to hold your hand and to carry the shovel when you are tired!! You are MY child, I love you, just let go!! Yes, I have given you a special needs child for a reason, I know you were the perfect mother for Bryson. And because I gave him to you, I will help you, stop worrying, let go of the control, let go of the fears, march ahead with ME. Yes, I have big plans for you that go beyond the realm of a special needs child, but I plan to use that platform, I plan on using moments like this to have you reach others who are crushed and buried with their own earthquakes. Lisa, arise up out of the rubble and run to me, I will bandage the wounds, I will ease the pain!! Stop looking at this road as too long and dirty!! I am there with you to help you pave it into a smooth and joyful road!! Come my child, come and rest in ME!!! Love God
My blog description of who I am goes like this: am the wife to a wonderful man, Brad and the mother of three incredible young men; Bryson age 11, Tyrell age 9 and Kaden age 6. My heart is passionate about my God, my family, my church and my community. I am kept busy with my involvements in these areas. God has brought me on an awesome journey so far in my life and I can't wait to see what He has in store!!!
So what does that really mean? It is nothing unique, just an ordinary description of me, but who am I??? Yesterday I listened to one of Beth Moore’s studies from the Esther series and one point that she said is that so often we want to disconnect something about ourselves or our past and erase it, but that is really what God wants us to move in and might just be the link to His plan!! OK, so who am I? The truth I just received in the shower is “I’m a mother of a special needs child!” I have said it, but I have pushed it under, I have tried to see life as normal. I have compared my trials to those around me and told myself “be strong, this is nothing compared to what they are going through.” Yesterday, when someone told me “be grateful for what you have, you could be in Haiti” I again told myself, yes, butt it up, it could be worse, God is here He will provide.
But NOOOOOOO…… to me this all seems like an earthquake.
I have been living on a fault line, I am living on ground that is full of sin, I am living on ground that is unstable. The grounds shook 12 years ago when my firstborn son was born and I found out that he had suffered a stroke. I had to realize that my dreams for him would probably have to change. Through the past several years I have suffered aftermath tremors from the horrors of seizure medication and doctor’s visits, and therapies and battles with the school system.
Another earthquake hit in 2008 when the words Type 1 diabetes shook my heart to the core. I had to learn in 5 hours of training how to poke my son’s finger, how to give him insulin shots 4 times a day, how to count all of his food intake. The tremors of fear of what if I mess up: “I could kill my son” or “will I find him in a coma in the morning? And then this past week, another earthquake hit, Bryson’s seizures have returned after 6 years of being seizure and medication free. And this time, the impact has hit hard, I feel like the walls are collapsing on me, I feel like everything is crashing in, I feel trapped. I know in my head that my Jesus is the steel that keeps my columns from crushing me, I know in my head that HE will pull me through, I know in my head that HE has incredible plans for me and will work all of this out!! But as we all know cleaning up from an earthquake is a long process, it doesn’t just happen overnight!! So I am slowing starting to dig, dig myself out of these suffocating feelings. I am reading God’s word, listening to others who speak God’s heart, I am reading the promises He has for me, but the task seems long and unmanageable. I am tired, I am exhausted!!
I have to stop comparing my life to others because we each have our own earthquakes in our lives. God will provide for ME what I need, and He will provide for others what they need.
Lisa, stop comparing the road I have you on with other people’s roads, I give each one of you a unique journey to travel, and with each earthquake, I will provide, I will help you dig, I AM the strong steel that will not let it crush you and bury you!! I am here to give you life and give it to you abundantly!! I am here to hold your hand and to carry the shovel when you are tired!! You are MY child, I love you, just let go!! Yes, I have given you a special needs child for a reason, I know you were the perfect mother for Bryson. And because I gave him to you, I will help you, stop worrying, let go of the control, let go of the fears, march ahead with ME. Yes, I have big plans for you that go beyond the realm of a special needs child, but I plan to use that platform, I plan on using moments like this to have you reach others who are crushed and buried with their own earthquakes. Lisa, arise up out of the rubble and run to me, I will bandage the wounds, I will ease the pain!! Stop looking at this road as too long and dirty!! I am there with you to help you pave it into a smooth and joyful road!! Come my child, come and rest in ME!!! Love God
I think I need to rewrite my blog description of me!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Full speed ahead
Wow, I just read again my post “The Road I don’t want to travel” and realized how that seems so long again. Some of you are friends on Facebook and know that I am ON “the road I don’t want to travel” and it has been a dirty and muddy first lap. I am amazed at what I wrote in that post and how true it really was. This past week has been absolutely horrible. Monday, the 8th when we got the results that he is having spikes and spike waves from his EEG and was told he will be starting on Keppra, I just crashed. I cried and wept for myself and for Bryson. As I have been learning from the bible study “Becoming More” by Lysa Terkeurst, not to ask the “why” questions, but instead ask “what am I suppose to do with it?” That is what I have been trying to do, it is hard, but it does give some comfort. As I have reflected back to all the other roads I have traveled in my past, I can look back and find purpose and understand God’s plan but it has taken time. When I called Brad to tell him about the phone call from the doctor on the 8th, he asked me this question “so what is different about this then everything we have been through before?” I answered him with “it isn’t different; I am just so exhausted from everything I can’t seem to cope with one more thing.”
I have let myself totally go numb this past week, I did not read anything (including my bible), I did not write, did not clean my house, I watched more TV than I usually do and just closed myself off as my heart hurt. On Saturday, I realized in my heart that I was tired of Bryson, oh how that hurts to say!! I love my son with all of my being and will do anything for him, but the responsibility of taking care of his needs just seemed too much to handle. But proclaiming the truth of that has helped me deal with my feelings and I am working my way through them.
So here I am today, I woke up with a better attitude and a desire to accomplish something!! I started the laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, made beds, straightened up the upstairs and was ready to exercise when I got a call from Bryson’s school that he wasn’t feeling good!! I just got mad!!! I wanted a day to myself, I wanted 8 hours free from him, and I was excited about spending time with my Bible today. But I went and picked up him and came home, and asked God “why” and “Now what?” God is faithful and He has still provided me time to read the Word today, and He has given me a desire to write today. I am realizing how therapeutic writing is to me. As I express my thoughts on paper and then go back and read what I wrote I am able to process better. So I am choosing that today is still a better day and I will get back to the source for which my strength comes, Christ and HIM alone!!
God, forgive me for blocking you out of my life, I felt You and I felt the prayers of my friends, but I just wanted to wallow in my feelings! Life hurts right now God, I am exhausted and tired, but my desire is to see you and to let you lead. God I know it won’t be easy and God I want to rest in you!! Father, thank you for your promise, that when I am weak YOU are strong!!
Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)
I have let myself totally go numb this past week, I did not read anything (including my bible), I did not write, did not clean my house, I watched more TV than I usually do and just closed myself off as my heart hurt. On Saturday, I realized in my heart that I was tired of Bryson, oh how that hurts to say!! I love my son with all of my being and will do anything for him, but the responsibility of taking care of his needs just seemed too much to handle. But proclaiming the truth of that has helped me deal with my feelings and I am working my way through them.
So here I am today, I woke up with a better attitude and a desire to accomplish something!! I started the laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, made beds, straightened up the upstairs and was ready to exercise when I got a call from Bryson’s school that he wasn’t feeling good!! I just got mad!!! I wanted a day to myself, I wanted 8 hours free from him, and I was excited about spending time with my Bible today. But I went and picked up him and came home, and asked God “why” and “Now what?” God is faithful and He has still provided me time to read the Word today, and He has given me a desire to write today. I am realizing how therapeutic writing is to me. As I express my thoughts on paper and then go back and read what I wrote I am able to process better. So I am choosing that today is still a better day and I will get back to the source for which my strength comes, Christ and HIM alone!!
God, forgive me for blocking you out of my life, I felt You and I felt the prayers of my friends, but I just wanted to wallow in my feelings! Life hurts right now God, I am exhausted and tired, but my desire is to see you and to let you lead. God I know it won’t be easy and God I want to rest in you!! Father, thank you for your promise, that when I am weak YOU are strong!!
Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)
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